valkyrieza: (Firefly - Isn't that special)
valkyrieza ([personal profile] valkyrieza) wrote2010-05-31 06:21 pm
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There's no saving throw for your eternal soul

As a long-time D&D player, I had to laugh. Getting upset over idiotic cartoons only leads to idiots producing more of the same. Still, the guy and gal at Robot's Pajamas summed it up rather nicely.

D&D Kills with the Help of Satan!

If there’s one thing that the Bible has taught me, it’s that Dungeons and Dragons is evil. The tool of the devil, which disguises itself as a “game”, is a gateway to the world of the occult and Satan worship. In order to better illustrate this I’m posting Dark Dungeons, an informative little piece written in the early eighties that I should have known existed, but didn’t until I discovered it in a Topless Robot article.

You can’t tell me there’s not at least one fatty that plays with this group. This is also the only D&D session in the history of mankind where the number of girls equals the number of guys and there’s a hot female DM.



Did they roll to see if the thief died or does the DM just not use dice in her games? Because that alone would be pretty damned upsetting.

Who here hasn’t had this talk?

Hot damn, that’s a pretty fast transition. Apparently, when you reach level 8 things that should freak you the fuck out are no big deal. She could have been brought to a book club for Nazis and unicorns and it would have been totally cool.

This little comic tale here is sending the wrong message. Think about it. It shows that magic totally works and you can benefit from it immediately. Imagine you’re a kid and you’re reading this, when was the last time Jesus got you anything cool like D&D figures? NEVER. This comic reveals that magic is not only real, but you can totally get whatever the hell you want by using it by expending minimum amount of effort. Magic is so the American way of life.

Or… it’s just a crazy coincidence and Debbie’s Dad is trying to show interest in his daughter’s life and attempting to buy her love.

Side Note: This chick is the biggest geek in the universe. What girl wants two hundred bucks worth of D&D merch and not any clothes or Popples?

A. Exactly how is she fighting the Zombie without the assistance of the Dungeon Master?

B. It’s little details like, “I’m fighting the Zombie” that give away the fact the writer has never played nor looked at a D&D manual in his life. I bet she also listens to “the Twisted Sister” while she’s being all evil at her evil club.

C. Who in the bloody hell would bother even touching D&D again when you can freaking cast spells that work?! I’d be too busy having sex with cheerleaders and eating free pizzas if this was me.

Uh-oh! This can’t be good.

Yep, proof positive that teens get so absorbed in D&D that they cannot separate themselves from the characters in the game… disregarding the fact that this never, ever, ever, eveeeeer happened in real life.

You know it’s sad that this girl killed herself, but is D&D really to blame? She could have easily made a new character. I suppose it’s easier to blame a game than the underlying problems that really caused her suicide, which was obviously due to the facts that she was ugly and nobody liked her.

I hate to be picky here, but Marcie harmed herself. They were just mean to her. If I had a nickel for every suicide I caused by being mean… but do I lose sleep at night? No way! They were too weak! Don’t be stupid Debbie!!!

“I don’t want to be Elfstar anymore! I want to be Debbie!” have got to be the greatest two lines ever written in the history of literature.

I don’t know if I trust this guy. He was probably “fasting” so he’d lose weight for the wrestling weigh-in and thought he could bone her with that line.

If the football player that time traveled from the 1950s wants to help, let him.

Dungeon of Bondage? Sign me up, Sailor!

It’s funny what they follow in the Old Testament and what they don’t. It’s like a Bible buffet for these ultra religious types. Also, from the way I read Acts 19:19 it was just what the people did in the story, not a command from God to burn anything. But what do I know? I’m not an ex-witch with a power ’stache and a hard on for telling other people what to do.

Debbie sure swings easily from one crazy cult to the next.

The one thing that I take away from this is that the key to spiritual happiness is by burning things that other people tell me are bad. Yeah, just like the Nazis.


Small Print: This tract is copyright is owned solely by Jack Chick Publications. Please visit their website and buy lots of their tracts, if you enjoy them. They appear on this site for review purposes only.

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